GracieMockingjay

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearfulsort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by aterrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadfulprison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest towerfor her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. ShrekBeware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing cando to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. NowOgres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chewyour livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Fiveshillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do yougot? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Youboneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. Ilove to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -Hecan fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen housefly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both underarrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can Isay something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are youtalking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back therewith those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. Therewas tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedomwith your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Heywait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don'tmine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... youdefinitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out ofmy but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no onehere, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to havefree ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friendwould be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what Ilike about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I likethat, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place likethat? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It'samazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we havein common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and theywon't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? CanI stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don'thow is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to sticktogether! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And inthe morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, Idon't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Goodnight. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm allalone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. WellJames. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Gotyou! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What areyou doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed toput her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do Ihave to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, getout of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Notthere! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forcedto come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me.-Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not getcomfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad rightnow and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right.That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big cityadventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say aboutsinging? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk.Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm nota monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Nowtell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience hasreached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who'shiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man.-Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man.-The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Wellthen, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror,mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not aking. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you canbecome one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord,because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorettenumber one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi andhottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Pleasewelcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy.Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and findout what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least.Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hotboiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and gettingcut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one?Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no.Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princessFiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably shouldmention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make thisprincess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finestman. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'llfind it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he'scompensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'mnot gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let'sdo that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. Thatchampion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princessFiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the firstrunner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'mwilling to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's notvery nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be namedchampion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? Allright then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thankyou, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a betteridea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honorof embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swampback! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. Allright Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactlythe way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone.What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princessjust so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it withfull of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason,donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them?You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you knowwhat. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cutopen their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. Foryour information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m,Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out onthe sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogreshave layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. Youknow not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't carewhat everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have youever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe isdelicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story.Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. Youknow I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making amess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got towarn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe medonkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right,brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And theydon't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, rememberwhen you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don'thave layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what Imean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on arickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? Foremotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really?-Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down.Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now,please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have timefor this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that!Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die.That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway?Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, butshhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a...,something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon thatbreathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what Imean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there andsee if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will beup the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read itin a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???.That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess withme. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'dstep all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey,look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hearthis all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile yougot there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girldragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beautyout. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay,but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smokeand stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting aknight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our firstmeeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, whatare you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and downthe rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But wehave to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti.Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek.I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It'snot my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did.Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit isover there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into aphysical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That wasthe word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are youdoing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really shouldget to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don'tdo that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -Ittalks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of thedragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a littleunorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And wherewould a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noblesteed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah,no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, youwouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's aperk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by adragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? Youthink, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love.What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now,now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'mnot going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre.Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're notsupposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one,who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You shouldask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre andhis pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'msorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue meproperly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a deliveryboy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put medown or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's anotherquestion. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how youlet her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt? But you don't get burned to a crisp neither. Howdo you do this? Just tell her, she's not your true love. Everyone knows it what happens when youfind... Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better. Oh, yeah. You gonna love it there princess. It'sbeautiful. And what of my groom to be, lord Farquaad. What's he like? Well, let me put it this way,princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. Oh no, Shrek. There are those who thinklittle of him. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You know, you're just jealous that you can never measureup to a great ruler like lord Farquaad. Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. But I'd like you dothat measuring when you see him tomorrow Tomorrow? It will take that long? -Shouldn't we stop tomake camp? -No. That would take longer. We can keep going. But there are robbers in the woods.Whoa, time out Shrek. Camp is definitely something that sounds good. Hey. Come on. I'm scarierthan anything we're gonna see in this forest. I need to find somewhere to camp, now! Hey, overhere. Shrek, we can do better than that. Now, I don't think this is decent for princess. No, no, it'sperfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Homey touches? Like what? A door. Well, gentleman I'llbe d..., good night. Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story, 'cause I will... I saidgood night! Shrek! What are you doing? I just..., you know... Oh, come on, I was just kidding. Andthat one, that's Throwback. The only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. Hey, canyou tell my future form these stars? Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories.Look. There's Blodna, the "Flatulent" You can guess what he is famous for. All right. Now I knowyou're making this up. No. Look. There he is and there's the group of hunters running away from hisstag. Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots. You know donkey, sometimes things aremore than they appear. Forget it. Hey Shrek. What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back,anyway? -Our swamp? -You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff.We? Donkey, there is no we. There's no our. There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'mgonna do, is build a ten foot wall around my land. You cut me deep Shrek, you cut me real deep justnow. You know, what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. No,do you think? -Are you hiding something? -Never mind Donkey. Oh, this is another one of thoseonion things, isn't it? No. This is one of those drop it and leave it alone things. -Why don't you wantto talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Oh, Why you block? -I'm not blocking. -Oh yesyou are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who?Everyone, ok? -Oh, now we're getting somewhere. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. Hey, what's yourproblem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway? Look. I'm not the one with theproblem, ok? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me andgo: AAA... Help! Run! A big stupid ugly Ogre. They judge me, before they even know me. That's whyI'm better off alone. You know what? When we met, I didn't think you're just a big stupid, ugly Ogre.Yeah, I know. So, a... Are there any donkeys up there? Well, there's a Cabby. The small andannoying. Ok, ok. I see him, now. Big shining one, right there. That one, over there? That's themoon. Again. Show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Perfect. Yeah.You know I like like that. Oh come on baby... -Donkey. Wake up. -What? -Wake up. Morning. Howdo you like your eggs? -Good morning princess. -What's all this about? You know, we kind of got ofto a bad start yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.Thanks. Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better outthan in I always say. But that's no way to behave in front of a princess. -Thanks. -She's as nasty asyou are. You know. You're not exactly what I've expected. Well, maybe you shouldn't judge peoplebefore you get to know them. Princess! What are you doing? ???mon shery, for I am your saviour.And I am rescuing you from this green...beast. Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own. Please,monster. Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are. Oh, ofcourse. How rude that was. Please, let me introduce myself. Oh marry men! Man, that wasannoying. Oh, you little... Shall we? ???all the forin??? Whoa, hold on, now. Where did that comefrom? -What? -That. Back there. That was amazing. Where did you learn that? Well, when one livesalone one has to learn these things in case there's a... There is an arrow in your butt. What? Oh,would you look at that. Oh, no... This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt.-Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt! -Oh, no. Shrek's going to die. -Donkey, I'm ok. You can't do this to meShrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head ???. -Does anyoneknow how to handle... -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into woods and find mea blue flower with red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blueflower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -Donkey!-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -Forgetting rid of the Donkey. Now, you hold still and I'll yank this thing out. -Hey! Easy with the yanking.-I'm sorry, but it has to come out. No, no. It's tender. What you're doing here is the opposite...-Don't move. -Ok, look. Time out. -Would you... Ok. What do you propose we do? Blue flower, redthorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn'tcolorblind. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Hold on, Shrek. I'm coming! Not good.Ok, ok, I can lose it. It's just about it. Nothing happened. We were just a... Look if you want to bealone, all you had to do is ask, ok? Oh, come on. That's the last thing on my mind. The princesshere was just... Au! Hey, what's that? Is that... There it is, princess. -Your future awaits you. -That'sDuloc? Yeah. I know. You'll shrink things lord Farquaad is compensating for something, which Ithink needs, he has a I guess we better move on. Sure, but Shrek... -I'm worried about Donkey.-What? I mean. Look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -Well,that's what they always say. And the next thing you know you're on your back. -Dead! -You knowshe's right. You look awful. -Do you want to sit down? -You know, I'll make you up some tea. Well, Iwon't say nothing, but I've got this twinge in my neck. And if I turn my neck like this, look. Au, see?-He's hungry. I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. Hey, where are you going? Oh man, Ican't feel my thumbs. I don't have any thumbs!!! I think I need a hug. This is good. This is reallygood. -What is this? -Wheat rat. -Rotisserie style. -No kidding. -Oh, this is delicious. -Well, they alsogreat in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheat rat stew. I guess I'll be dining alittle different late tomorrow night. Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cookall kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toast, soup fish, eye tartar. You name it. I'd like that. -Ah... ,princess? -Yes, Shrek? I'm a.... I was wondering. Are you... a... Are you gonna eat that? Man, isn'tthis romantic. Just look at that sunset. Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late. -What? -Wait aminute. I see what's going on here. You're afraid of the dark. Aren't you? Yes, yes. That's it. That's,I'm terrified. You know I'll better go inside. But don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of thedark too. Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. -Good night. -Good night. Ahh. Now Ireally see what's going on here. Oh, what are you talking about. Hey I don't wanna even hear. Look,I'm an animal and I got instincts. And I know that you two are digging on each other. I can feel it.Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smellthe fairemones. Just go in there and tell her how you feel. There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if Idid tell her that... well you know. I'm not saying that I do, 'cause I don't. She's a princess andI'm... ...an Ogre. Yeah, an Ogre. -Hey, where are you going? -To get more firewood. Princess.Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? It's very spooky in here and are we playing littlegames. -No, no. -Help! Shrek! Shrek! -No. -Shrek! -It's ok. It's ok. -What did you do with theprincess? -Donkey, shhh. I'm the princess. -It's me, in this body. -Oh my god. You ate the princess.-Can you hear me? -Donkey! Listen, keep breathing. I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!This is me. Princess? What happened to you? You're a... different. -I'm ugly, ok? -Yeah. Was itsomething that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats were a bad idea. -You are what you eat, Isay. -No. I've been this way as long as I can remember. What do you mean? Look, I've never seenyou like this before. It only happens when the sun goes down. By night one way, by day another.This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss. Then, take love's true form... -Oh, that'sbeautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's the spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spellon me. Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast. I was placed in a tower to await the daywhen my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow, before thesun sets and he sees me, like this? All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're notthat ugly. Wait, wait, I'll not lie, you are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess is meant to look. Princess. How about ifyou don't marry Farquaad? I have to. Only my true love's kiss can brake the spell. But you know,you're kind of an Ogre. And Shrek... Well you've got a lot in common. Shrek? Princess, I... How is itgoing first of all? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok. I saw this flower and thought of you because it'spretty. And, well, I don't really like it, but I thought you may like it, because you're pretty. But I likeyou anyway. A.... I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go. Who could ever love a piece so hideous and ugly?Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek, but only chance to livehappily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It'sthe only way to break the spell. Well, at least you've got tell Shrek the truth. No, no. You can'tbreathe the word. No one must ever know. What's the point of being unable to talk? You got tokeep secrets. Promise you won't tell. Promise! You know, before this is over, I'm going to needwhole lot of serious therapies. All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. Look at my eyetwitching. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. I tell him not. I tell him! Shrek! Shrek! There's something Iwant ... Shrek. Are you all right? Perfect. Never been better. I... There's something I have to tell you.You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night. -You've heard what I said?-Every word. I thought you'd understand? Oh, I understand! Like you said, who could love ahideous, ugly beast! -I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah, well, it does. Ah, right on time.Princess. I brought you a little something. What I missed? What I missed? -Princess Fiona. -Aspromised. Now hand it over. Very well, Ogre. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. Takeit and go. Before I change my mind. Forgive me princess for startling you, but you startled me. ForI've never seen such a radiant beauty before. -I am lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no...forgive me my lord for I was just saying short... farewell. Oh. That is so sweet. You don't have toraise good manners on the Ogre. -It's not like it has feelings. -No. You're right. It doesn't. PrincessFiona, beautiful fair flawless Fiona, I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for theperfect groom? Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Excellent! I'll start the plans fortomorrow we wedd... No! I mean I... Why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset. Oh, anxiousare we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do. There is the camera, the cake,the band, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests. Farewell Ogre. Shrek, what are you doing?You let her get away. -Yeah, so what. -Shrek. There's something about her that you don't know. -Italked to her last night. She's... -Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pal, aren'tyou? Now, if you two are such good friend, why didn't you follow her home? -Shrek. I want to gowith you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone. My swamp, me andnobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But. Ithought... -Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong. Shrek. Donkey? What are you doing? I wasthinking of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Well, yeah. But the wallsupposed to go around my swamp. Not through it. It is around your half. See? That's your half andthis is my half. Oh, your half? Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I gethalf the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head -Back off! -No. Youback off! -This is my swamp. -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go! -Stubborn jackass. -SmellyOgre. Fine! Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you, yet. -Well, I'm through with you!-Well, you know. You were always me, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn! So you justshut up and pay attention! You are mean to me, you insult me, you don't appreciate anything that Ido! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad,how come you came back? Because that's what friend do. They forgive each other! Oh, yeah.You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabbing me in the back! You're so wrapped up in layers,onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Justlike you did it to Fiona. And all she ever do, was like you. Maybe even love you. Love me? She said Iwas ugly! A hideous creature. -I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. Shewas talking about... ...somebody else. She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talkingabout? No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right? -Donkey. -No! Ok,look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Can you forgive me?-Hey, that's the friends are for, right? -Right. -Friends? -Friends. So? What did Fiona said aboutme? Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her. The wedding! We'll never make it intime! Never fear! For where there is a will, there is a way. And I have I way. Donkey? -I guess this isjust my act of magnetism. -Oh, come here, you. All right. All right. Don't get all started. No one likeskissa**. All right, hop on. Hold on tight. I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts, yet. People ofDuloc. We gather here today to bear witness to reunion of our new king... Excuse me. Could youjust skip ahead to "I do's"? Go on. Go ahead and have some fun, if we need you, I'll whistle. Howabout that? Shrek, wait, wait a minute. You want to do this right, don't you? -What are you talkingabout? -It's the line, it's the line you got to wait for. The priest is going to say: "Speak now or foreverhold your peace". And that's where you say: "I object". -I don't have time for this. -Wait, wait. Whatare you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You want to hold her!-Yes. -Please her! -Yes! Then you got to, got to try a little tender love. -The chicks love that romanticcrap. -All right. Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? We got to check it out. And as so by thepower of these two... What do you see? -I now pronounce you... -There they go! -...he all ready saidit. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. I object! Shrek? Oh, now what does he want? Hi, everyone. Having agood time, aren't you? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it'srude enough being alive, when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding... -Fiona! Ineed to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me.-But you can't marry him! -And why not? Because, because he's just marrying you so he can beking. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -What do you know abouttrue love? -Well, I ...I'm in... Oh, this is precious. The Ogre has fallen in love with the princess.Laugh. Shrek. Is this true? Who cares. It's preposterious. Fiona, my love, we gonna kiss away forour happily ever after. Now kiss me! By night one way, by day another. I wanted to show you before.Well. That explains a lot. Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. I order you to get them out of my sight.-Now! Get them! Get them, both! -No! This marriage is minding, and that makes me king. See? See?-Shrek! -No. -Don't just stand there, you dogs. -Get out of my way. No! Shrek! -And as for you mywife. -Fiona! I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I will have order. I willhave potential. I will have... All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it.I'm a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? Go ahead Shrek. -Fiona?-Yes, Shrek? I love you. Really? Really, really. I love you too. A time for true love's first kiss... Fiona?Fiona? Are you all right? Yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. But you arebeautiful. I was hoping this would be a happy ending. God bless us, everyone.