1,189
The year is 2006. All of the planets in the solar system are orbiting the sun as normal...or so it seems. For the longest time, the last of the nine planets, Pluto, has been nothing but a complete annoying stalker. No, don’t laugh. I’m serious. Neptune has been having this problem since nearly the beginning of his time, but now it’s getting way worse, and he’s had enough.
ACT 1
Neptune grips his speaker tightly in his right hand as he tries his best to ignore the sensation of knowing he is being followed. Pluto, the wimp of the nine planets, tags innocently a few yards behind the much bigger Neptune, humming happily as he goes along his merry way.
Pluto tugs at his clothing. “Where are we going, Neptune?”
Neptune sighed in exasperation. “Don’t you ever listen?!”
Pluto blinked. “Well, yeah, of course I do, but…”
“Well…?” Neptune raised his eyebrows.
Clearing his throat, Pluto squeaked, “Come on! You can’t expect me to remember these things! The last alignment was ages ago!”
“Speaking of alignments, that is exactly where we’re going,” Neptune frowned, pretending not to hear Pluto’s frivolous excuse. “It’s about time we had another meeting.”
“Ooh, that’s great! What will we discuss, ol’ pal?”
For your information, pipsqueak, we are not ol’ pals, geez. You’re the most annoying person I have ever met.
Rolling his eyes, Neptune grabbed Pluto’s hand and dragged him along. “Come on.”
“Um, okay!” Pluto grinned. “So, who are we meeting first? What will it be like? What are we going to discuss? Will it be fun?”
Holy crap, kid, this is not the first alignment you’ve been to! You’re an official planet, after all!
Neptune halted dead in his tracks, which made Pluto crash straight into him.
“Hey!” Pluto whined. “Why did you do that?”
Neptune helped him back up to his feet and glared at him. “Well, I would have remembered quite well and dandy IF YOU HADN’T INTERRUPTED MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT!”
“A-a-apologies, buddy,” Pluto shrunk to his feet.
Neptune sighed. What a wimp.
“We need to keep going,” said Neptune. “Now hurry up.”
Before he could take another step, however, a beeping sound from his speaker made him look down…
ACT 2
Neptune turned on his speaker and was instantly greeted by Sun’s booming voice.
“Neptune! We have been waiting for you! You’re late!”
Oh, great. Just what I need. Neptune stole a glance at the carefree, bouncing gray mass behind him. “Sun, calm down. It’s not my fault. I have an...accomplice.”
Sun sighed from the end of the other line. “Again?”
“I suppose so, unfortunately.” Neptune winced. Lowering his voice, he murmured, “Please, you have to help me out of this. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Neither can we,” spat Sun. “It’s time we’ve discussed this, Neptune...you can’t be late to alignments anymore. NASA’s watching, you know. Don’t you know the risks if the people found out we’re really humans in outer space?”
“I don’t really think we would be screwed, I think they’d be more freaked out to find that they’re literally living inside a human and they don’t even know it.”
“HEY!” A sudden voice screeched. “Ex-cuse me, Nep, but anybody with half a brain can see that living inside of somebody like me is way better than living in somebody like you. I mean, I like blue too, but come on!”
There’s Earth with her egotistical comebacks. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, Earth, I get it you like yourself very much. Are you sure it’s not bordering on obsession?”
Earth huffed. “Uh, what? If we want to discuss ‘obsession’, why don’t we take a look at your little pal?”
“Alright, that’s enough, you two!” Sun interrupted. “There’s plenty of time to chitchat once Neptune actually gets here.”
“Oh, what’s taking so long?” Neptune could hear Earth fake-pouting from her end of the speaker system. “Did your little friend wet his pants?”
“Ooh, are you guys talking about me?” Pluto rushed up to the speaker. “Hi, Earth! Hi, Sun! What’s up? Did you guys miss me?”
“Oh, yes, very,” Earth hissed sarcastically. “So much, in fact, that this next alignment is going to be entirely about you!”
“REALLY?!” Pluto gasped. “YAY!”
“Earth, I officially hate you,” Sun groaned. “Get off the speaker. Now.”
“Umm…” Neptune stuttered, completely lost.
“Get off the speaker?” Earth scoffed. “Uhh...why?”
“Because you’re an egotistical brat who can’t keep her mouth shut,” Sun retorted. “Get out.”
“Yeah,” Neptune agreed. “You’re so self-centered the humans living on you used to think that we all revolved around you.”
“At least I’m not so cold that I’m so far away from Sun and only a little child is there for company,” Earth spat.
Neptune rolled his eyes. “Oh, get me some ice for that wonderful burn.”
“You don’t need any!” Earth fired back. “You’re already cold enough!”
“Okay, that’s it, I’m done!” Sun shouted. “Sorry, Neptune, give me a second.”
Pressing the speaker close to his ear, Neptune could hear shouting and arguing at the other end of the line. It finally ended with the sounds of stomping and Sun returning to earshot.
“Well, where were we?” Sun said in her sweetest voice.
“Uhh...arguing?” Neptune suggested.
Sun huffed. “Oh, Earth. Ignore her. You might be one of the coldest planets, but I think her twin, Venus, might have something to do with her flaming attitude.”
“Remind me why we chose to put humans on Earth again?” Neptune asked.
Sun laughed. “Well, let me explain why all the other planets are horrible choices. One of them would poison them all in seconds, another has a STORM on her head, and another has a little buddy who won’t stop following him.”
“Hilarious,” Neptune snapped. “Can we get to business now?”
“Oh, fine,” Sun giggled. “Well...Earth was telling the truth. Our alignment really is about Pluto...which I was trying to explain to you before I was rudely interrupted.”
“What? Why?” Neptune asked, surprised. “Surely there are other important matters we should discuss? Like, kicking Earth out of the solar system?”
“It’s interesting you bring up kicking planets out of the solar system,” Sun commented. “We’ll tell you more once you actually get to the alignment.”
“I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Just be patient,” Neptune told her.
“You have five minutes, Neptune,” Sun replied. “You don’t get there in time, there will be serious consequences. Do not disappoint us.”
And with that, the speaker shut off.
ACT 3
It looks like we’ve finally made it.
Neptune breathed a sigh of relief as he casually entered the dark space where the alignment was taking place. Upon his (and Pluto’s, but we won’t mention that) arrival, several of the planets turned up their heads and sneered. Not at him, of course (unless Neptune’s sudden change to KPOP-related clothing was that startling...oh wait), but the presence of the meek child behind him was enough to set off the members in a bad mood.
Looks like the cat came back,” Venus, Earth’s twin sister, grinned maliciously.
“Hello to you, Venus,” Neptune groaned. Aside from Earth, of course, Venus was Neptune’s least favorite planet.
Mars suddenly bounded over and stood before Pluto with his hands on his hips. “I suppose you must think you're all high and mighty, with this whole alignment being about you?”
“Yeah!” Pluto said eagerly, not understanding the obvious harshness of Mars’s words.
“Leave the poor kid alone, Mars,” said another voice firmly. Turning around, Neptune recognized his old friend Uranus, who gave a withering stare to Mars until he shrunk away.
Uranus smiled at the duo. “So, what's up?”
“Is it true this alignment is going to be all about me?” Pluto immediately questioned without giving a proper greeting.
“Uhh…” Uranus hesitated. As polite as he tried to be, even Uranus understood Pluto was a bother to be with. “I guess…”
“And speaking of alignments, it's about time it begins,” Sun interrupted them. “Come on.”
As they began walking along, Sun turned around at Pluto. “Um...stop following us.”
“Wait, what?” Pluto said, confused. “But I'm part of the alignment too!”
“Maybe so, but we’d like to keep it a surprise for you,” Sun explained gently. “Right, Uranus?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah! Right!” He nodded sheepishly.
Pluto crossed his arms. “I will go away if you give me something.
Oh for Pete’s sake. Neptune sighed in exasperation. Can't this kid just follow directions for just once?
Sun gave Neptune a concerning glance. Then she smiled sweetly at Pluto. “Oh, believe me, we have something planned.”
“Sweet! What is it?!”
Sun noticeably smirked. “Now if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it? Run along now; you'll find out soon enough.”
Pluto grinned at her without giving any thanks. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, he turned around and ran off before the alignment began.
This is the story of how Pluto lost his place as the ninth planet of our solar system. Despite giving Pluto numerous chances, all of the planets, despite being at odds, agreed in the end that his continual stalking behavior and unacceptable rudeness landed him in the position of a lowly dwarf planet, meant to be alone and unwanted. Pluto, however, decided to rebel and to this day continues to haunt Neptune in his orbit.
POLL
ACT 1
Neptune grips his speaker tightly in his right hand as he tries his best to ignore the sensation of knowing he is being followed. Pluto, the wimp of the nine planets, tags innocently a few yards behind the much bigger Neptune, humming happily as he goes along his merry way.
Pluto tugs at his clothing. “Where are we going, Neptune?”
Neptune sighed in exasperation. “Don’t you ever listen?!”
Pluto blinked. “Well, yeah, of course I do, but…”
“Well…?” Neptune raised his eyebrows.
Clearing his throat, Pluto squeaked, “Come on! You can’t expect me to remember these things! The last alignment was ages ago!”
“Speaking of alignments, that is exactly where we’re going,” Neptune frowned, pretending not to hear Pluto’s frivolous excuse. “It’s about time we had another meeting.”
“Ooh, that’s great! What will we discuss, ol’ pal?”
For your information, pipsqueak, we are not ol’ pals, geez. You’re the most annoying person I have ever met.
Rolling his eyes, Neptune grabbed Pluto’s hand and dragged him along. “Come on.”
“Um, okay!” Pluto grinned. “So, who are we meeting first? What will it be like? What are we going to discuss? Will it be fun?”
Holy crap, kid, this is not the first alignment you’ve been to! You’re an official planet, after all!
Neptune halted dead in his tracks, which made Pluto crash straight into him.
“Hey!” Pluto whined. “Why did you do that?”
Neptune helped him back up to his feet and glared at him. “Well, I would have remembered quite well and dandy IF YOU HADN’T INTERRUPTED MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT!”
“A-a-apologies, buddy,” Pluto shrunk to his feet.
Neptune sighed. What a wimp.
“We need to keep going,” said Neptune. “Now hurry up.”
Before he could take another step, however, a beeping sound from his speaker made him look down…
ACT 2
Neptune turned on his speaker and was instantly greeted by Sun’s booming voice.
“Neptune! We have been waiting for you! You’re late!”
Oh, great. Just what I need. Neptune stole a glance at the carefree, bouncing gray mass behind him. “Sun, calm down. It’s not my fault. I have an...accomplice.”
Sun sighed from the end of the other line. “Again?”
“I suppose so, unfortunately.” Neptune winced. Lowering his voice, he murmured, “Please, you have to help me out of this. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Neither can we,” spat Sun. “It’s time we’ve discussed this, Neptune...you can’t be late to alignments anymore. NASA’s watching, you know. Don’t you know the risks if the people found out we’re really humans in outer space?”
“I don’t really think we would be screwed, I think they’d be more freaked out to find that they’re literally living inside a human and they don’t even know it.”
“HEY!” A sudden voice screeched. “Ex-cuse me, Nep, but anybody with half a brain can see that living inside of somebody like me is way better than living in somebody like you. I mean, I like blue too, but come on!”
There’s Earth with her egotistical comebacks. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, Earth, I get it you like yourself very much. Are you sure it’s not bordering on obsession?”
Earth huffed. “Uh, what? If we want to discuss ‘obsession’, why don’t we take a look at your little pal?”
“Alright, that’s enough, you two!” Sun interrupted. “There’s plenty of time to chitchat once Neptune actually gets here.”
“Oh, what’s taking so long?” Neptune could hear Earth fake-pouting from her end of the speaker system. “Did your little friend wet his pants?”
“Ooh, are you guys talking about me?” Pluto rushed up to the speaker. “Hi, Earth! Hi, Sun! What’s up? Did you guys miss me?”
“Oh, yes, very,” Earth hissed sarcastically. “So much, in fact, that this next alignment is going to be entirely about you!”
“REALLY?!” Pluto gasped. “YAY!”
“Earth, I officially hate you,” Sun groaned. “Get off the speaker. Now.”
“Umm…” Neptune stuttered, completely lost.
“Get off the speaker?” Earth scoffed. “Uhh...why?”
“Because you’re an egotistical brat who can’t keep her mouth shut,” Sun retorted. “Get out.”
“Yeah,” Neptune agreed. “You’re so self-centered the humans living on you used to think that we all revolved around you.”
“At least I’m not so cold that I’m so far away from Sun and only a little child is there for company,” Earth spat.
Neptune rolled his eyes. “Oh, get me some ice for that wonderful burn.”
“You don’t need any!” Earth fired back. “You’re already cold enough!”
“Okay, that’s it, I’m done!” Sun shouted. “Sorry, Neptune, give me a second.”
Pressing the speaker close to his ear, Neptune could hear shouting and arguing at the other end of the line. It finally ended with the sounds of stomping and Sun returning to earshot.
“Well, where were we?” Sun said in her sweetest voice.
“Uhh...arguing?” Neptune suggested.
Sun huffed. “Oh, Earth. Ignore her. You might be one of the coldest planets, but I think her twin, Venus, might have something to do with her flaming attitude.”
“Remind me why we chose to put humans on Earth again?” Neptune asked.
Sun laughed. “Well, let me explain why all the other planets are horrible choices. One of them would poison them all in seconds, another has a STORM on her head, and another has a little buddy who won’t stop following him.”
“Hilarious,” Neptune snapped. “Can we get to business now?”
“Oh, fine,” Sun giggled. “Well...Earth was telling the truth. Our alignment really is about Pluto...which I was trying to explain to you before I was rudely interrupted.”
“What? Why?” Neptune asked, surprised. “Surely there are other important matters we should discuss? Like, kicking Earth out of the solar system?”
“It’s interesting you bring up kicking planets out of the solar system,” Sun commented. “We’ll tell you more once you actually get to the alignment.”
“I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Just be patient,” Neptune told her.
“You have five minutes, Neptune,” Sun replied. “You don’t get there in time, there will be serious consequences. Do not disappoint us.”
And with that, the speaker shut off.
ACT 3
It looks like we’ve finally made it.
Neptune breathed a sigh of relief as he casually entered the dark space where the alignment was taking place. Upon his (and Pluto’s, but we won’t mention that) arrival, several of the planets turned up their heads and sneered. Not at him, of course (unless Neptune’s sudden change to KPOP-related clothing was that startling...oh wait), but the presence of the meek child behind him was enough to set off the members in a bad mood.
Looks like the cat came back,” Venus, Earth’s twin sister, grinned maliciously.
“Hello to you, Venus,” Neptune groaned. Aside from Earth, of course, Venus was Neptune’s least favorite planet.
Mars suddenly bounded over and stood before Pluto with his hands on his hips. “I suppose you must think you're all high and mighty, with this whole alignment being about you?”
“Yeah!” Pluto said eagerly, not understanding the obvious harshness of Mars’s words.
“Leave the poor kid alone, Mars,” said another voice firmly. Turning around, Neptune recognized his old friend Uranus, who gave a withering stare to Mars until he shrunk away.
Uranus smiled at the duo. “So, what's up?”
“Is it true this alignment is going to be all about me?” Pluto immediately questioned without giving a proper greeting.
“Uhh…” Uranus hesitated. As polite as he tried to be, even Uranus understood Pluto was a bother to be with. “I guess…”
“And speaking of alignments, it's about time it begins,” Sun interrupted them. “Come on.”
As they began walking along, Sun turned around at Pluto. “Um...stop following us.”
“Wait, what?” Pluto said, confused. “But I'm part of the alignment too!”
“Maybe so, but we’d like to keep it a surprise for you,” Sun explained gently. “Right, Uranus?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah! Right!” He nodded sheepishly.
Pluto crossed his arms. “I will go away if you give me something.
Oh for Pete’s sake. Neptune sighed in exasperation. Can't this kid just follow directions for just once?
Sun gave Neptune a concerning glance. Then she smiled sweetly at Pluto. “Oh, believe me, we have something planned.”
“Sweet! What is it?!”
Sun noticeably smirked. “Now if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it? Run along now; you'll find out soon enough.”
Pluto grinned at her without giving any thanks. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, he turned around and ran off before the alignment began.
This is the story of how Pluto lost his place as the ninth planet of our solar system. Despite giving Pluto numerous chances, all of the planets, despite being at odds, agreed in the end that his continual stalking behavior and unacceptable rudeness landed him in the position of a lowly dwarf planet, meant to be alone and unwanted. Pluto, however, decided to rebel and to this day continues to haunt Neptune in his orbit.
POLL
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