Many of us will have to experience the horror that is a family Christmas this year. It is likely your family will rip you away from your only friend (your computer), and make you socialise with undeserving peasants. However, you do not need to fear! With this simple guide you are sure to have an (almost) stress free Christmas!

Detatching Yourself From the Internet

It's been an entire year, and we all know how you and your internet router have bonded. You've literally merged into one cyber-human monstrosity. All you need to do here is take very VERY deep breaths. Then, for the first time in a year, shut down your laptop. Now, you can't be without internet all the time, right? So take out your smartphone. This baby can do everything a PC or tablet can do, except without offending anyone. Say you're answering work emails, or if you can't pull that one off, go to the bathroom to go on the internet. As long as you don't give away your internet password and make the hub die, you should be just fine.

Dressing Appropriately

Your usual attire (a onesie) will not go down well at a family event. Children will scream and a relative will most likely call the police. It's recommended that you wear clothes that non-gamers wear. They may be peasants, but so are your family. A ruler must look after their peasants.

Human Contact

Unfortunately, you are expected to touch other humans. No, you cannot wear gloves, however, you can disinfect yourself afterwards if you so wish. You may be expected to kiss your granny, we all know you haven't had your first kiss yet, so do a weird hovery air kiss thing and stay away from the lips of doom.

Eating With Others


You're used to Netflix and long nights eating pizza. At this event you will be subjected to an Iceland five bird roast or something equally horrific. It will be healthy, and will contain vegtables. For this you will just have to try and swallow the wretched green things without choking. Just be grateful, eating vegatables is as close to exercise as you'll ever get.

Presents

Just look them in the eye and say thanks. Don't complain because they didn't renew your World Of Warcraft subscription, just be grateful they actually remember to get you a present since you never talk to them. Oh, and that hand-knitted jumper from Auntie Agnis is just fabulous. Seriously, the pink and blue looks great on you. Brings out your pear-like figure.

Customary Family Board Game

Most families sit down and play a board game after making themselves eat vegatables. It's an odd tradition, though one you might enjoy. Let out your competetive side! This board may not have fancy graphics and stupidly high FPS, but you can WIN. Teach those peasants a lesson, maybe next year they'll think twice about making you consume healthy food.

Leaving

Again, you may have to touch people. But as soon as they have left, you can BATHE in disinfectant. It will be glorious. Don't even bother cleaning up. Your computer babies need tending to.