Published Dec 31st, 2019, 12/31/19 6:05 pm
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SCENE 1
CHALMERS has arrived at SKINNER's house (walks onstage STAGE RIGHT). CHALMERS rings the doorbell.
CHALMERS has arrived at SKINNER's house (walks onstage STAGE RIGHT). CHALMERS rings the doorbell.
CHALMERS (SUPERINTENDENT): Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
SKINNER (SEYMOUR): Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
CHALMERS (nonchalantly): Ah.
CHALMERS walks into SKINNER's house. CHALMERS takes a seat at the dinner table. SKINNER walks in the kitchen and sees the roast burning in the oven.
SKINNER (shocked): Gasp! Oh egads!
SKINNER shuts the oven door.
SKINNER: My roast is ruined!
SKINNER approaches the nearby window, parallel to the Krusty Burger.
SKINNER shuts the oven door.
SKINNER: My roast is ruined!
SKINNER approaches the nearby window, parallel to the Krusty Burger.
SKINNER: But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour!
SKINNER opens the window and attempts to escape offstage (STAGE LEFT). As SKINNER is halfway out, CHALMERS walks onstage (STAGE RIGHT) and notices SKINNER trying to escape offstage. Cue (#1: SKINNER AND THE SUPERINTENDENT).
CHALMERS (angrily): Seymour!
SKINNER: Superintendent, I was just...er...just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
CHALMERS (skeptical): Why is there smoke coming out your oven, Seymour?
SKINNER: Ah, ooh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm, steamed clams!
CHALMERS gives one final glare at SKINNER before exiting offstage (STAGE RIGHT).
SKINNER: Whew!
CHALMERS gives one final glare at SKINNER before exiting offstage (STAGE RIGHT).
SKINNER: Whew!
SKINNER exits offstage through the window (STAGE LEFT). End scene.
SCENE 2
CHALMERS is preparing himself for the meal in the dining room. SKINNER enters the stage (STAGE LEFT) with a platter of hamburgers.
SKINNER: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers!
CHALMERS (skeptical): I thought we were having steamed clams.
SKINNER: Doh, no! I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers.
CHALMERS: You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?
SKINNER: Yes! It's a regional dialect.
CHALMERS: A-ha. Er..what region?
SKINNER: Uh...upstate New York?
CHALMERS: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.
SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
CHALMERS: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.
SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
CHALMERS: I see.
CHALMERS takes a 'steamed ham' and eats it.
CHALMERS: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
SKINNER: Oh ho ho ho ho, no. Patented 'Skinner Burgers'! Old family recipe!
CHALMERS: For 'steamed hams'?
SKINNER: Yes!
CHALMERS: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
SKINNER (nervous): Ye--I... You know th--...One thing I sh---...Excuse me for one second.
CHALMERS: Of course.
SKINNER leaves offstage (STAGE LEFT) and reenters onstage (STAGE LEFT). Offstage you can see a vibrant orange glow, indicating a fire.
SKINNER: Ahhhh! Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
CHALMERS: Yes I should be--
CHALMERS notices the fire. CHALMERS turns to STAGE LEFT.
CHALMERS (shocked): Good lord, what is happening in there?!
SKINNER: Aurora Borealis?
CHALMERS (angry): Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!
SKINNER: Yes!
SKINNER: Yes!
CHALMERS: ...May I see it?
SKINNER: ...No.
CHALMERS and SKINNER walk offstage (STAGE RIGHT). End scene.
SCENE 3
CHALMERS and SKINNER walk outside onstage (STAGE LEFT). SKINNER'S MOM is stuck inside the house.
SKINNER'S MOM (offstage): Seymour! The house is on fire!
SKINNER: No, Mother, it's just the northern lights.
CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, you steam a good ham.
CHALMERS walks offstage (STAGE RIGHT).
SKINNER'S MOM (offstage) Help! Help!
SKINNER makes an 'ok' gesture to CHALMERS, who is offstage. End scene.
happy new year
| Credit | simpson guy |
| Gender | Male |
| Format | Java |
| Model | Steve |
| Tags |
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