pmc is my vers of twt

for anyone that makes genderbent characters from peoples ocs i just wanted to say please don't do mine i would rather not have endy be a girl

I want to talk about Princess Mononoke for a second, as this movie has become kinda personal for me.

I'm about to say the funny "Literally me" thing about the protagonist, because I feel like Miyazaki saw the future and made this movie just for me. Ashitaka is a character that I really connected with in really unexpected ways.
For one thing, I'm most often a neutralist when it comes to most things, especially politics, so I'm getting that out of the way. I waver between respecting and admiring both sides to flat-out despising them both, which is a struggle. I've often felt like I'm cornered when it comes to conflicts, mostly because it seems like I'm on neither or any side. Seeing Ashitaka perfectly embody what I want to be when it comes to conflicts was actually really cathartic and inspiring, as I've usually resorted to just shutting up and look like I'm playing whichever side I'm talking to.
Another thing is the arm. I think I've talked about this before, but I have chronic hand eczema, which means my hands are either in total agony, itchy and dry, or bleeding and opening at the most inconvenient times. This skin infection has actually been a point of contention between me and my faith; I've seen God heal people plenty of times, but why won't He heal me? Why am I left out? I've grown to sorta accept the infection as a part of myself, though it still stings seeing miracles while I'm forgotten. And Ashitaka's cursed arm, though definitely not the same thing as me, fit so perfectly as a metaphor for some sort of chronic condition: the feeling that there's something in your body that's outside of your control and directly malicious towards you; the odd moment or two where you look at it (if it's visible) and notice that it's gotten bigger or smaller than last time; even the scene in which Ashitaka is healed of one thing by a literal god, only to find the curse is still there, unfortunately festering and healthy. The moment after that last realization in the movie nearly broke me, as I've felt that same twinge of disappointment a hundred times, waking up and seeing that I'm still not healed after praying for years.
Aside from Ashitaka, Princess Mononoke just gets me. It totally gets the style of stories I love, which are mostly either the surreal fairytales or the serious political dramas, and it just so happens to be a unique mix of both. The majesty and fickle unpredictability of the gods and spirits; the blending of the lines between good and bad people, instead being just about people trying to achieve their own goals, often at the cost of others; and clear personalities of each setting and character making the world feel alive and independent of whatever we may want the world to be.
And the possibly-romantic-subplot ends with them embracing and leaving one another with an oath of friendship instead of a kiss and a dramatic sunset; heck ya! This movie is perfect!

Thanks for reading my thoughts for a minute. Princess Mononoke is amazing.

I wish the clothes I made for my skins were real :(