"Hi, you don't know me. I don't know me either. I'm actually really freaking out. Can you help me? Yeah, that was probably the worst way of introducing myself in this situation. Let me back up a bit. I just woke up on your porch, and I can't remember anything. This was a terrible idea, I should just leave."


"No my friend, please come in. It is not safe outside, especially tonight. I heard rumors of a bombing run. No my friend, I insist you come inside. Have you eaten recently?"


"I cannot remember, honestly. I'm fairly hungry though, if it's not too much trouble..."


"None at all, my friend. Coffee?"


"I think so, something warm sounds very good. I don't mean to be a burden, but, uh, could you tell me the important things that I would need to know? Perhaps something might trigger my memories."


"Well, have a seat. I'll try to get you up to speed on what is happening. The most pressing thing would be the war with the Altoids. You appear to be wearing an army uniform, I wonder if you were injured in battle."


"That sounds sorta right, it's beginning to sound familiar. What is the background of the war?"


"An eon ago, we defeated the Altoids after they invaded our planet. In tribute, they sent thousands of their citizens as servants every fifty years. Six months ago, they learned that they've been grossly mistreated. Apparently mentioning their minty-fresh appearance is a horrible insult, and using them as breath-mints is a crime unmentionable. As recompense for the abominable injustice, they invaded us, with aid from the Mentois and Ice Rakers. They gained a foothold in our world, and now commence bombing raids all around the world. Does that help at all?"


"It's slowly coming back. I remember some bright lights."


"I’d bet anything you were a soldier who was injured in battle. I don't know how you ended up here, but it does make sense. Maybe tomorrow, if we don’t die in a raid tonight, we can come up with a way for you to repay me for my hospitality. Anyway, we should turn in, we can pick up where we left off tomorrow. You can sleep on the couch."


"I thank you so much, my friend. What's your name?"


"Call me Matthew. ...I was about to ask what your name is, but then I remembered you can't remember."


"It's fine, just call me Stan. Stan sounds right, lets just go with Stan. Anyway, thank you Matthew, goodnight."


-------


"Good morning my friend! How do eggs sound?"


"Ah, they sound delicious! Did the Alltoids bomb last night?"


"No, I am very surprised. Perhaps they are waiting on something... oh glory, there's the siren. They are bold, starting a run in the daytime. My friend, you should eat your eggs, this might be your last meal. Meet me out on the porch when you're done. Maybe, if you are indeed a soldier, we can find a way out of this. Lead me to safety, and we’ll consider all your debts satisfied."


-------


"Whew, you are finished. The bombers are almost upon us, can you remember anything from your army life that could help us get out of danger?"


"Matthew, I fell out of a hay cart, and hit my head on your stairs."


"The uniform?"


“Stolen.”


“You mean…”

"Yes, we are both going to die with ten thousands pounds of minty-fresh manifest destiny stuffed down our throats."

---

LoST Season 3 round 1. I'm against Masq. Vote here.