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Anxiety (Noun):
1. A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
2. A strong desire or concern to do something or for something to happen.1. A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
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Hey everyone, AnimeFanFTW here, and today, I want to be serious for a change.
As most of you who know me on this site, I'm a friendly, caring and funny person to be around with. I treat people with respect, and it takes alot to annoy me or make me angry.
But that's just one side of me.
I've been wanting to let my feelings be known on what I genuinely feel on a daily basis. Yeah, this blog looks like another one of those blogs about someone talking about what they feel, but I do want to just feel composure, knowing that some of my friends on this site know a little more about me. So yeah. Hope you guys enjoy me rambling on for serveral minutes.
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As some of you know, I suffer from some mental disabilities. Although not very serious, they do affect me. The obvious ones are ADHD and OCD, but I also suffer from ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder. And most people with ASD also suffer from Anxiety. Now most people can just write this off as just anxiety being nothing more then stress, but it's more then that.
According to a study, 1 in 13 people suffer from some form of anxiety. For me, although I don't suffer from stuff like anxiety attacks, my anxiety is still pretty terrible.
Imagine not being able to ever feel comfortable? Imagine not being able to feel safe? Imagine feeling like you are not good enough at anything?
I feel like that everyday.
In highschool, I always felt like an idiot, almost not completing assignments on time, feeling like I could have studied more, feeling like I'm wasting my time. Thankfully, I did finish highschool with passing grades, and I proved myself wrong. With my 1.5 years in college though, it got the better of me. I studied Game and Media Design, and it was fun, but really difficult. I would constantly have trouble understanding stuff, and instead of looking for help, I procrastinaded and didn't do work. It then got so bad, that I stopped attending and never told my parents for about a month. Looking back on it, it was an incredably stupid decision. I could have done so much more, but I just didn't have the motivation to continue, because I thought I couldn't do it.
Then there is my family problems. Without going too much into my family business (cause, you know, it's my business), I'm just going to leave it at this: It has been extremely rocky. Having been evicted out of our home, being homeless and moving into a friends house for 7 months, constant arguements, moving into another house, having a ton of money troubles, friends betraying our trust, people taking advantage of me, getting my first job, then losing it in just 2 months, it has been a constant struggle. As of now, it's a little smoother, but it's still hard. During my homeless times, I had next to no motivation. I would spend my waking moments just on my laptop, just swimming in stress. It was toxic for me. In fact, the only things that helped me through those times was the PMC Anime Hub, video games and anime.
Speaking of video games and anime, even those things have helped my anxiety worsen. While video games and anime do help me in these troubled times, the thought of people judging my life choices is horrible, especially when I'm a fan of anime. Most people see people that play video games and watch anime as childish and violent. And while I do ignore these claims, the fact I'm constantly judged upon worries me to no end.
Then there is life in general, and what awaits me in the future. As a 20 year old, I've expecienced what being an adult means, and it is not easy. All those magical moments and thoughts you had as a kid are gone, and is replaced with constant work, in the hope you have enough money to make through the week. The future worrys me more. Will I ever find the girl of my dreams? Will I be lonely for the rest of my life? What if a life-changing moment happens to me that just makes my life worse? What if I lose everything I love? These thoughts circle through my head all the time.
Now while this is all depressing, despite all of this, I always have a friendly personality. Ask anyone who is my friend, and they will tell you that I am a friendly and helping person. I always care more about others then me, and while I am miserable most of the day, there are things in life that make me happy. My video games and anime entertain me. My favorite football team, the Penrith Panthers, continue to make me cheer for them (They won the 2015 Holden Cup this year, so proud! <3) and I love my family and friends to no end. And PMC makes me happy. Being able to chat to amazing people, talk about our favorite games, anime, and just things in general lift my spirits constantly. Without PMC, I would be a miserable person.
To anyone else suffering from anxiety (And I know there is alot of people like that on PMC), just remember: You are not alone. There are people out there that know how you feel. You have friends and family that care about you. Relax, and chat with your friends, your family. My family and friends make me feel important, and your friends and family will do the same too.
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Thanks for reading. Hope this inspired you in some way or something. :)
Until the next blog...
This is AnimeFanFTW, over and out!
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~Stay happy, Melancholy.
I'm a lot younger than you, but I have Anxiety and OCD as well... I haven't been diagnosed, however I haven't bothered to go see a doctor yet (I probably should though)
On some days, it's worse and some others it's not awful.
For example, I have this thing where sometimes, small sounds are amplified and can trigger an anxiety attack. The other day at school, we were writing something in class, and the small movements people made, the noise of pencils on paper, I could even hear separate people breathing, etc. Just everything was amplified to an unbearable level. I started to hyperventilate, start seeing black dots, and my brain went completely blank. I could barely keep myself from crying. My friend asked me if I was okay by writing it and I answered 'no". In a minute I had excused myself to go to the washroom to calm myself down.
Also, about my OCD. I was walking down the street, and the imbalance of objects I passes or objects that passed me and where I stepped and what I stepped on and the slight changes in colour or pattern in the asphalt annoyed me to the point of tears. I had to just stand for a minute, close my eyes and repeat to myself, "everything is fine. It's balanced. It's okay" for a good little while before I could continue.
Anyway, that's my little problems. Thanks for writing this, it's really nice for people like us who suffer things like this every day.
I'm glad my blog was able to cheer you up. I also wish you the best. :D
There are people out there who ACTUALLY have ADHD, and OCD, and are on the Autism Spectrum, I am someone who has ADHD and actually has Anxiety, and let me tell you;
Anxiety:
Anxiety is not something that you get because you are doing bad at school, or because you are having issues with your family. You can get (ANXIOUS) about something, without having actual Anxiety, and I think that is something you need to learn.
ADHD:
ADHD often comes with anxiety, getting anxiety attacks from ADHD, and vice versa. I have ADHD, and stuff like my pants being too tight at the waist piss me off so much that I can't focus on school work, THAT is actual ADHD.
The main theme of this post was to get attention because you are feeling insecure, and while I get that, I also think you are spoiling people's day by talking about problems that you made yourself. None of these things are coming from your brain, you don't have ADHD, and you don't have OCD, even if a few things bug you. I think you need to face up to your problems, and stop blaming things on something that people ACTUALLY have, but you do not.
Will, out.
PS: I like that fact that you tagged it with "Depression" so that more people would catch this post so you could get more attention.
I like how you accused me of not having Anxiety and ADHD, without any proof whatsoever.
I do in fact have ADHD and Anxiety, while I also cannot proof this, the fact I was able to talk about it is good proof. I rarely do things for attention.
You say this blog is spoiling people's day? Quite the opposite, I've been getting messages of people being cheered up and supportive of what I wrote. Just look down the comment section.
So congrats. You accused me of stuff without actually looking through everything. You kinda need to do that before throwing wild accusations. -_-